…we know being a loner isn’t about hating people. It’s about essence, about necessity. We need what others dread. We dread what others need.
I recently finished reading Party of One: The Loner’s Manifesto, by Anneli Rufus. It was recommended by an ultrarunner several years ago. He thought that probably lots of ultrarunners are loners. I would say the percentage is higher than the general population, but we’re not a majority in that community either.
In some ways the book was a disappointment. I mean, how many examples do you need that “loner” is often used to describe criminals who are social outcasts. People who are truly loners would rather stay home and make a bookshelf or knit or mow the lawn or whatever, not bother themselves with some socially intimate mass murder plan. Really, except for the part about the making a bookshelf or knitting or mowing, and being social, that is true of most non-loners too! Ultimately, the book could have been much shorter. The author seemed to lack material and on more than one topic was just filling space.
There were some good insights for me; like 75% of the population actually enjoy hanging out with groups of people. That it is not a flaw or weakness in them. It’s just the way they are wired. Most of that 75% would think it was fun to walk up to an astronaut and ask about her job. Where I would rather research astronauts on the Internet, at home, alone. I loved the author’s insight about a lunch invitation creating a crisis for about 25% of us, and, that while big cities offer anonymity and are ok for loners, small towns make us feel completely uncomfortable. The interesting thing is that I knew all this about myself. I just didn’t realize that my feelings are shared by a large segment of the population. A minority yes, but still, 25% is a lot of people! Another interesting part of the book was the fact that loners are heroized in movies, tv and literature, but when many non-loners come face-to-face with independence they are either offended, frightened or try to fix it.
So what does this have to do with walrus and polar bears? Well, if you’ve seen the documentary Arctic Tale you know. As Queen Latifah says, the walrus are “always up in each other’s business.” A polar bear spends most its life alone. The mother polar bear chases her daughter off when she is only two years old! How sad. But she knows it is the best chance for either of them to survive. On the other hand, when one walrus gets itchy he assumes the walrus next to him is itchy too and starts scratching. In the movie, at times it almost seems as if the group of walrus is one organism rather than a group of individuals.
I of course related to the polar bear, not just because it was cuter! Sure friends and family are important, but given the choice of being completely alone or living en masse, the former seems more survivable. Made me wonder if most people relate to the walrus. Since this was a movie, and independence is heroized in that context (and it was cuter), more people probably relate to the polar bear. It would make an interesting survey.